Worst Cartoons of All Time (transcript)
This is the dialogue in the video, Worst Cartoons of All Time. *''screen shows a scene from Drawn Together: The Movie, in which the Network Head is smiling with lightning in the background, with words that read, "Warning: This video contains some animated violence and adult themes." and "This video is a critique, which is considered "fair use" under section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976. If you'd like to watch these, please support the original creators and by the original DVDs."'' *'PhantomStrider:' Here we go! *''Explosion'' *'PhantomStrider:' It's time, once again, to return to that... weird corner of YouTube. Regardless of age, most of us have cartoons we thoroughly enjoy. However, there are also abysmally bad ''cartoons out there. *'Bubsy: What could possibly go wrong? *'PhantomStrider: '''There have always been cartoons with garbage animation, stupid plots, nail-bitingly bad voice-acting, and unpleasant or just plain annoying characters. Most of these cartoons reach the point of being insultingly bad... to point where you desperately hope someone was ''fired for taking any part in making these cartoons! So this time, I'd like to take a break from mainstream animation and take a look back at the Top 10 Worst Cartoons of All Time. Just a warning ahead that while most of these cartoons aren't too grotesque, some of them can get pretty vile. As always, I'll try and give some warning if it's going to get particularly bad, but just an early heads up. Anyway, onto the countdown! #10... *#10 — Paddy the Pelican (1950)' *'PhantomStrider:' Let's go back a few years and I mean right back to 1950. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if a stuttering alien wrote, voiced, and directed a bunch of doodles that looked like... smushed beetles? Well, this was that bizarre alien's crowning achievement. Perhaps the first truly awful cartoon ever produced. It is all voiced by one person. *'Paddy: I haven't done anything to you. I swear I haven't done anything! *'Crow: '''You mean to tell me to have to earn to stand... *'PhantomStrider: 'The voice-acting is hilariously awful! I mean, it's not insulting; in fact, it's the most boring, lazy piece of animation I have ever seen! There is absolutely no sound affects and there's barely any animation at all! It is so perfectly awful that this list simply wouldn't be complete without it. I mean, look at this. The lip syncing doesn't even ''attempt to match what's being said. *'Bear: '''Hey you, Mr. Beach-Goer. We saw an empty boat floating around... *'PhantomStrider: 'You'd swear this guy was just making the lines up as he went along. I realize it was made in 1950, but, ''hell, we got Fantasia in 1940, so animation that doesn't look like smushed beetles was possible. Credit where credit's due, though. This guy obviously did the whole cartoon himself on a 20 cent budget and chances are he blew that budget on paying some hobo to sit through the premiere. It's bad, but, hey, it didn't leave me sick, so it's pretty high on the list. And for #9... *#9 — Nutshack (2007)' *'PhantomStrider: This is one of those sad shows that thinks by slapping "Adults Only" on their product, they'll get people to like the jokes about molesting dolphins. *'Random Character: '''And I like to give butthole pleasures to farm animals, and I take the baby dolphin and I rape him! *'PhantomStrider: 'Yeah, it's one of ''those shows that is stupid enough to be legally announced brain-dead! At first, I wondered about this one. Surely, it can't be that bad. The animation wasn't terrible, the female voice actor was okay. But, by 5 minutes in, something was beginning to dawn on. *''cyborg randomly shows up'' *'PhantomStrider: '''I suddenly felt like slamming my fist into my computer screen! ''"punches" his screen It was that moment I realized this cartoon was annoying! Incredibly ''annoying! I wouldn't be suprised if it was th one same male voice actor putting on different accents for each scene. The plot is impressively stupid! Involving revolutionary concepts like encouraging girls to get breast implants because they'd bother to take care of their appearance. We're turning a bunch of guys into circus freak shows in the name of "good looks" or gay and incest jokes! Classie! We're really scraping the bottom of the barrel of "adult cartoons" in this one. It is one of the most lowbrow, aggravating cartoons I've ever watched! There was only one voice in this show that ''didn't make me feel like slamming my fist through my monitor and that was the one female character in the show. Even the theme song sounds more like a mantra your friend repeats to you to annoy you on a road trip. *'''Nutshack Characters: It's the nutshack! *'PhantomStrider: '''Okay, it's a nutshack. *'Nutshack Characters:' ''It's the nutshack! *'PhantomStrider: '''Okay, okay, it's a nutshack. *'Nutshack Characters:' ''It's the nutshack! *'PhantomStrider: '''Okay! *'Nutshack Characters:' ''It's the nutshack! *'PhantomStrider: '''Alright! Alright! *breaks'' *'PhantomStrider:' Repeatedly saying the title of your show does not constitute as legit lyrics! It will far more likely send your viewers into berserk rages! Fortunately, this one is pretty rare, but I'd definitely give it a skip if you find it. #8... *'#8 — Breadwinners (2014)' *''theme song plays'' *'PhantomStrider: '''Oh, god! I thought ''Nutshack ''was bad! This show is just the most annoying show I've ever watched! It's like combining One Direction with rap music, fart jokes, and blending it all together into some executive's grotesque pink duct paste. Hell, this crap music makes ''Nutshack look like deep, existential introspection! This is the dumbest thing Nickelodeon has ever produced BY FAR! 'Something like Invader Zim might be considered controversial, but you know what? It challenges young viewers! It both entertains and manages to make people question their world. This cartoon is just some executive's wet dream. There is just no heart in this show. The rapping is unbearable! I feel like a part of my brain died from just the first episode. I realize their primary demographic is probably less than 7 years old, but surely adults should be able to watch this with their kids without getting the sudden urge to go hunting in the nearest duck pond. *''and duck's quack is heard'' *'PhantomStrider: '''And half the time, the two characters just continually shake their butts at the screen. I think the show's about two duck running a bread delivery van, maybe? I know they can level up at butts to use them as weapons. That probably gives you an indication of just how much intelligence this show had. There is absolutely zero substance to this show. It's like the equivalent of green fairy floss. It tastes like crap, it's bad for you, and can only be appreciated by those between the 4 and 6-year-old demographic. I mean, listen to this ear sodomy for 5 seconds and tell me you ''don't ''suddenly feel more annoyed! *'SwaySway and Buhduece: ' ''Quazy cause we can! Quazy (quack), quazy (quack), quazy cause we can! Booty kick it, party punch it, shake your feathers, make your pants dance... *'''Shooter Game Character: Oh my god! Is it getting louder?! *'PhantomStrider:' It's like giving a 6-year-old a 2-liter bottle of red cordial and a duck whistle, and then sitting down with him to discuss Algebra! Surely, the new generations deserve better than this! There are technically worse shows out there, but this is, by far, the most annoying cartoon I have ever watched. I personally think kids and parents deserve better than this. Way better! #7... *'#7 — Mr. Pickles (2014)' *'PhantomStrider: '''Ugh! *'Teenage Girl: It's only been an hour since the abortion! *'''Teenage Boy: '''Not just beer! It's... beer-''ROIDS''! *'''PhantomStrider: '''14 seconds in, and they've already made two jokes so stupid that I think part of my brain just died! Oh, god! THIS EPISODE GOES FOR ''11 MINUTES, '''and this is the ''PILOT! This episode is intended to impress executives! This show is... pretty vile. Another one of those unfortunate cartoons made with the intention of being for, quote-on-quote, adults. In other words, prepare for some pointlessly smutty, stupid one-liners spoken by stoners with the intelligence of a cheese stick! The animation's particularly lazy and ugly in this one. It has some of the cheapest shock value jokes I've ever seen, even by Family Guy standards. Its colors all seem to be a very special shade of vomit, and every moment I look at it, I swear it's gotten worse! There's no real direction of the story, it just meanders along... jumping from one thing to the next whenever it gets bored of itself. So it jumps to another scene every 3 seconds or so. I definitely don't recommend this one. Definitely give it a skip. And for #6... *'#6 — Mega Babies (1999)' *'PhantomStrider: '''This show actually manages to make ''Rugrats look like Citizen Kane! You ever have one of those childhood memories that you weren't sure was real and desperately ''hoped it ''wasn't? Mega Babies ''was one of those memories for me. I thought I dreamt this cartoon up in some demented fantasy. But, no! It was real! And it's a cartoon that makes me feel physically sick. Imagine ''Invader Zim with a quarter of the animation budget, none of the intelligence, and 20 times as annoying. These kids are just... nightmare Hellspawn versions of Rugrats. This cartoon is just so gross, naughty, and ugly. It's like watching a baby sneeze up on someone repeatedly and inserting a laugh track. This is actually one of the few shows on this list I actually saw as a young child and I still vividly remember being completely grossed out by this show. What executive actually thought it was a good idea to make a show about three infants sneezing, crapping, and screaming all the time? This one is terrible! Skip this one at all costs! #5... *'#5 — The Brothers Grunt (1994)' *'PhantomStrider: '''Over the years, MTV has given us some ''bad shows, but this is easily among the most ugly, grotesque animation I've ever watched! It's not only incredibly lazily animated, but the animation's just unpleasant and gross at the same time. There really any real sound affects to the show. It's more like this constant gurgling and moaning and groaning eminating from your speakers. Every sound that comes out of my speaker either sounds more like a duck being strangled or is a gurgling fart noise. *''Grunt leader pours water on and giving breath mints to each of the brothers'' *'PhantomStrider: '''This is definitely one of the ugliest pieces of animation I have ever seen! There is no sense to this cartoon either. Every moment is just painful to watch, hear, and feel. It even has these bizarre moments where it'll phase into live-action, while singing some gibberish song. This makes so little sense. I would say it falls into the league of making anti-sense. These characters, these abominations of nature. I think they're looking for their long-lost brother, Perry, or something? But they don't actually do all that much, they just mainly groan and squeal and flail thier limbs. I'd say don't watch this cartoon, but honestly, it's near impossible to find, even on VHS. And honestly, thank God! #4... *'#4 — King Star Kine (2014)' *'PhantomStrider: Okay, now we're getting into some of the grosser territory. I don't know how to describe this one. This tops the chart as the stupidest, grossest thing Adult Swim has ever brought out. This show's apparently ''about King Star King as he falls from a higher plane of extistence to work as a fry cook in a Waffle House and to return to this higher plane of existence, he must defeat the evil Spring Bunny. This is what the show claims to be about, but all I ever saw was a bloody, gory drug trip for bikers. It's hard to know what to make of this hazy, ugly fest. King Star King is ''really ugly animation. There isn't a moment of animation you won't feel like losing your lunch, but the creepy part about this show is I get the feeling someone's actually getting personal gratification from this show, rather than having the normal reaction of upchucking their lunch. Is this all part of someone's personal fetish, their kink, I mean I have no problem with that as long as they're not hurting anyone, but did they really need to make a show about their body-swallowing, pancake, asphyxiation, teeth-pulling maggot fetish? This reached a point where it was so insanely bad that it crashed my computer. This show is so bad that its vileness managed to break through and crash my OS. I don't recommend this one, at all! At all! At all! At all! And for #3... *#3 — Drawn Together: The Movie (2010)' *'PhantomStrider: I knew from the start this one would be among the worst. I saw it 5 years ago and knew, then and there, that this was the most grotesque piece of animation I would ever sit through. *'Spanky Ham: '''What? I'm sorry, I got distracted. What were you saying? *'PhantomStrider: 'The guy at the video store gave me a strange look when I rented this and 12 seconds into the show, I knew exactly why. As I mentioned in my Controversial Cartoons video, I actually really liked the ''Drawn Together series. True, it was gross and controversial, but it managed to use this gross humor to both shock and laugh, and in order to leave a lasting impact and there was this sense of well-meaning behind its humor. But this movie was in its own unique category of bad. Nothing is off-limits to this show. All my mind originally remembered of this show is this hazy piece of grotesque imagery. *''sings the "Suck My Taint song"'' *'PhantomStrider: '''Good god! And it just keeps going! I probably should hate this show, but there's no other show I know that can discuss turning a woman's afterbirth into popsticles for terminally ill children and still not making me hate them for it. Unlike ''Family Guy, there is no sense of malice behind what they do and there's a complete self-awareness at their completely bottom of the rum garbage. I've never seen such vile concepts in such good humor. Every single minute of this 90-minute runtime is designed to offend you. There is no limits on the show's grotesque imagery. *'Captain Hero: '''Molly! ''continues to rot Oh, I love it when she does that! *'PhantomStrider: '''The creators make Seth look like a Catholic priest during sermon hours. The creators admitted they had no ideas for this movie, so they just basically put together whatever came up from the top of their heads. This unfortunately makes the movie unbelievably tedious to the point where I was begging to skip 30 minutes ahead the first time watching it. That being said, you can tell the voice actors really loved doing this show. You can look at the Behind-the-Scenes interviews and they really show they had a personal love for this show. I can see how much fun these voice actors were having together in the studios and strangely enough, it made me believe this monstrosity was actually a work of love as absolutely vile as it was. *Clara steps on one more crippled puppy'' *'PhantomStrider: '''So, I don't hate this movie but BY GOD, I don't recommend it! *brief interview with the creators of Drawn Together'' *#2 — Brian's a Bad Father & American Fung (Family Guy & American Dad!) (2014 & 2015)' *'PhantomStrider: I've gone on about these in my Worst American Dad! and Family Guy, so I'll try to keep it brief. But I really do hate these two episodes. The animation may be good, the budget of the show may be big, but these two episodes were despicable! At least most of these other cartoons have the excuse of having a $2 budget or a miniscule team behind them. What is Seth's excuse for these "things"? American Fung is unbelievably unpleasant, tedious, and just plain traumatizing at times. While Brian's a Bad Father ''had what I personally considered the worst joke I've ever heard in animation to date. It made me lose the little respect I had for Seth after it and it would be a disfavor to you to repeat the joke again. See my Worst Family Guy list if you do really want to see it. I realize ''Family Guy and American Dad! aren't meant to be highbrow humor, but these two episodes well and truly cross that line from going from lowbrow shock jokes to cruel, spiteful, vindictive, and disturbing animation. *'Peter Griffin: '''Looks like somebody left their trash here. *'Quagmire: 'Jerome, can you tell that (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) to (bleep) get the hell out of here before I (bleep) kick him in the face? *'PhantomStrider: 'And worse yet, it's mainstream and the creator had over a decade of these, so there's asolutely no excuse for them! But enough about these two episodes. I personally don't think they deserve any further attention. Before we get to #1, I wanted to make a couple of quick honorable mentions. *'Honorable Mention #1 — Foodfight! (2012) *'PhantomStrider: '''It's lazy, it's got bad messages, it's phoned in, and is kind of annoying. But Nostalgia Critic already covered this one way better than I ever could, so I decided to leave it off the list. *'Honorable Mention #2 — Felix the Cat: The Movie (1989)' *'PhantomStrider: This is among the cheapest animation I've ever seen. All I see is the third world animators when I see this stock crap. It's got annoying voices and abysmal animation. But again, Doug covered it way better, so I gave it a pass. And, with that said, let's get to #1. And without a doubt, the #1 worst cartoon I have EVER SEEN is... *#1 — Ren Seeks Help (Ren & Stimpy "Adult Party Cartoon") (2003)' *bangs his head into the desk'' *'PhantomStrider:' This cartoon... is rotten to the core! I don’t know how else to describe it. It was... ABYSMAL in every sense of the word! It was the most abysmal piece of animation I have ever watched, by far! *''screams in pain while Ren brutally licks it with his tongue'' *'PhantomStrider:' It is insulting, ugly, grotesque, anger-inducing, and it just brings about every bad emotion a person could ever possibly feel. This episode was TRAUMATIZINGLY bad! *'Wounded Frog:' (Asking Ren to put out his misery) Finish the job, you pussy! *'PhantomStrider:' Ren Seeks Help... isn’t a cartoon. It is just a vile nightmare from beginning to the end. The nightmare of a psychopath. It’s about mutilation, domestic abuse, torture, and just the exploration of a psychopathic mind that takes pleasure in the pain of others. There’s definitely a fine line when gross humor comes from comedy to just plain cartoon horror. *''frog is being electrocuted by Ren via car battery'' *'PhantomStrider:' And I can comfortably say, this cartoon is unpleasant from frame one to the very end. It even opened with what sounds like horror music, followed by Stimpy bawling for 3 minutes. No, wait, it ragged up to 5 minutes. Where am I meant to be laughing at this?! Look, now Ren’s in a miserable, depressed void. Geebus, this is depressing to watch! It’s like watching some demented drug trip nightmare! It’s weird because it seems like they’re not even trying to make us laugh. How about we now watch... the complications of birth from Ren. Does this sound like fun? Then we watch the process of Ren becoming a demented psychopath that has the inherent desire to inflict pain others. This is awful! It’s just a fact you’ll feel sick after watching this! This show was clearly designed for the blind and deaf — because no adult or child could look and hear this show, and not hurl up their lunch. Even my friend’s cat seemed to be insulted and angry after watching this show. *''effect of kitty growling'' *'PhantomStrider:' Yes, the original Ren & Stimpy cartoons could be gross, but it was also clever, edgy, smart, and very sharply voice-acted. It helped mold modern controversial cartoons today. Adult Party is not to be watched. It is a forgotten piece of crap trash that is the most revolting piece of... No, garbage is too good of a word for this show; crap is too good a word of this show — it is that bad! I do not know what world this cartoon was good in! What disturbed mind could find this horrible crap funny?! And interesting sidenote: this cartoon was apparently so bad that Stimpy’s original voice-actor refused to work on the show. We then go on to discuss the process of assisted suicide. *''mother gives Ren a chainsaw to finish the frog, while both of them happily walk to the backyard to do the deed'' *'PhantomStrider:' Why is there happy music? Because this creature is in so much pain that it wants to die. That makes it happy. That is disturbing and vile in every sense of the word. But Ren can’t kill the animal he mutilated because he wants to cause it further pain. What the hell?! Even if its content isn’t as controversial as The Drawn Together Movie, it is rotten in every sense of the word. Oh, God! This abomination just keeps going on! This has been the longest 20-minute cartoon I ever watched. I took freaking breaks every 5 minutes to get through it all. And then it turns out Ren can’t be helped. The psychologist brands him legitimately psychopath and... wow, we get more beatings! Only 2 minutes ago! *''continues to attack Mr. Horse until he grabs the latter’s gun to viciously beat him to death'' *'PhantomStrider:' Then mutilation! *''goes on while a crazed Ren is growling at the animal control officers'' *'PhantomStrider:' Decaptitation! I’m almost through this! Cannibalism! One minute to go! We watch the tortured frog drag his mutilated body across the room. Oh, just finish already! What more is there to see?! And we end with a finally committed suicide. It’s over. Thank Geebus, it’s over! Oh, thank you! I don’t want to understand the mind that actually finds this funny. While I do still cringingly say, “If viewers do enjoy this, good for you, it’s just my personal opinion?”, I can’t understand the mind that could gain from this. Oh, boy! There is no contest! This is the worst animation I’ve ever seen! Hands down, no contest; it is! I have never seen a cartoon get so dark, so deplorable, and so removing of any of the decency of humanity. It is VILE, and I never, EVER recommend ANYONE watch it! *'The Conclusion' *'PhantomStrider:' You really do have to look hard for these shows, though. And to most of these cartoons’ credit, we quickly forget about them. They quickly fade into oblivion — where they belong. And we instead celebrate the beautiful, clever, funny, emotional and thought-provoking cartoons we were given growing up. And these cartoons truly change most of us for the better. That being said, I know there’s a plethora of bad animation out there, so if you think there’s a particularly bad one I missed, feel free to let me know in the comments. I thank you for braving this journey with me! And as always, thanks for watching, and I’ll see you next time! *'Yakko (''Animaniacs):''' He may be small, but he eats. Category:Transcripts